The Cracked Egg

The Cracked Egg

    Maybe it was a draw, who went to sleep the fastest in The Old Wooden Bridge Fish Camp's cottage unit 4. 

    In a dream, Willa Sue is the shepherd of a herd of maybe 30 key deer, consisting of about 10 6- to 8-point bucks, including two 8-point bucks so old that the hair on their faces is white. Three prongs on the left side of one oldster's rack are broken off into short stubs. There are about a dozen does and the rest of the herd are fawns. With Willa Sue and the herd are a mating pair of bottlenose dolphins carrying harpoons lashed to each of their pectoral fins. Wille Sue is riding a beautiful grey and white Appaloosa mare, and attached to her saddle is a scabbard containing a lever-action Winchester 30-30.

    In a dream, Riley is swarmed by a pod of mermaids in the middle of which is Aquaman holding in his right hand his three-pronged fork with barbed points. Aquaman says, "Here's the deal, Lawyer. There aren't any great white sharks in this area, and that's a shame, because the invasive species is raping and pillaging the lovely Florida Keys and polluting her beautiful waters and killing her spectacular coral reef, because there are no great white's to stop it. You may not be able to stop it, but me and these mermaids are hoping you will give it your very best shot." The mermaids swarm all over Riley and he feels like he has died and gone to redneck, hillbilly and every other kind of  mystic heaven, and he wakes up thinking maybe she should not tell Mary Lou, who is lying on her side looking him squarely in the eyes.

    "What's going on, Riley? You were squirming all over the place with a ridiculously stupid grin on your face."

    Riley explains what's going on, 

    Will Sue explains that he needs to focus on his own mermaid.

    Riley focuses on his own mermaid. 

    Then ensues a lot of squirming, moaning and gasping for air.

    Then, Willa Sue tells Riley her dream.

    Riley says, "Maybe we should go eat breakfast at The Cracked Egg and get a newspaper and look to see if there are any houses for sale around here."

    Willa Sue says, "Ya think?"

    The Cracked Egg is doing a brisk business. All the tables are taken, and there are three empty stools at the lunch counter. So, that's where Willa Sue heads, while Riley picks a copy of a newspaper off the end of the counter top.

    A waitress looking about 50 with sun-bleached hair and deeply sun-tanned face and arms, her name tag says, "Rhonda," brings them two glasses of ice water and asks if they want coffee?'

    Willa says, "No thanks, but we could use sliced lemon, if you have it."

    Rhonda nods, yes, and hands them two menus and walks through a door into the kitchen, where an older woman can be seen cooking something on a griddle.

    Ronda returns with 4 lemon slices.

    Riley says, "Thanks, I think I'm going for the grilled grouper and fried eggs and whole wheat toast."

    Rhonda nods, looks at Willa Sue, who says, "He ain't never heard of ladies first."

    Rhonda laughs, says, "Want me to shoot him for you?"

    Willa Sue shakes her head, no, says, "Ain't worth wasting a good bullet. I'll have the spinach and onion omelet."

    Rhonda says, "Darn, I was feeling like some excitement."

    Willa Sue and Riley look at each other, then back at Rhonda, 

    Rhonda looks at them.

    Riley says, "I think there is gonna be lots of excitement, but let's not start with shooting me. Maybe later, that will need doing. Meanwhile, I'm Riley and there is Willa Sue, and we are thinking about moving here and doing things that might cause people to want to shoot both of us."

    "What kind things?" Rhonda asks, wondering to herself just how many more weirdos the Florida Keys can handle?

    Riley says, "Tell her your dream last night, Wife."

    Willa Sue tells Rhonda her dream.

    Rhonda laughs, says, "You some kind of shaman woman?"

    Willa Sue shrugs, says, "Tell her your dream last night, Riley?.

    Riley tells Rhonda his dream.

    Rhonda looks at Riley, then back at Willa Sue, says, "I know some people you two need to meet. Let me turn in your order."

    Riley looks at the front page of the Keynoter. An article entitled "Chambers of Commerce Want Faster Hurricane Evacuation to Save Lives."

    Riley reads the article, sees there is some mischief at play. Chambers of Commerce are quoted as saying they want to save lives. A representative of an outfit calling itself, "Stop The Bulldozers", is quoted as saying The Chambers of Commerce only want a faster hurricane evacuation, because the faster people can leave the keys, the more new residential building permits the state government in Tallahassee will allow to be issued in the Keys.

    Riley hands the Keynoter to Willa Sue, says, "Read the hurricane evacuation article, Wife."

    Rhonda comes by and tears a page out of her order pad and hands it to Riley. On it is written, Agnes and Wilfred Longshore. 305-407-4286. 

    Riley says, "Thanks," shows the note to Willa Sue and folds in half and puts it in his pocket.

    Willa Sues asks Rhonda if she knows of any homes for sale nearby?

    Rhonda says, "No, did you look in the Keynoter classified real estate section?"

    Willa Sue says, "Will do."

    Ronda says, "I think you two and the Longshores might be from the same planet. I'll call them and let them know that and I gave you their phone number."

    Riley asks Rhonda for her phone number and she writes in on her order pad and tears off that sheet and gives it to Riley.

    Riley asks Rhonda, "What do you know about the Stop The Bulldozers outfit?"

    "They view themselves as The Resistance and real estate developers and their lawyers and county commissioners as agents of the Devil."

    "Is that the Longshores?"

    "No."

    "The Longshores are off-the-gridders. They live on No Name Key. Have you been on No Name Key?"

    Willa Sue says, "No."

    "Check it out. It's off the grid. No public water, sewer or electricity. They collect rainwater into cisterns, they use solar panels to make electricity, and they use compost toilets, and their home is an octagon on stilts, which hurricanes can't easily knock down, and they use natural ventilation to cool their home. They fish for their dinner and raise vegetables in containers on their deck and have a variety of tropical fruit trees, and two native sapodilla trees, which produce delicious fruit. They claim to be from another star system."

    "Which star system," Willa Sue asks.

    "The Pleiades," Rhonda says.

    "Do you believe them?," Riley asks.

    Rhonda chuckles, says with a twinkle in her eyes, "I'll leave that for you to decide. But I will say, they told me they cannot drink the public water, it makes them sick. So, they catch and store rainwater. They say their vegetables like rainwater, too."

    Willa Sue asks, "Are you from the Pleiades, Rhonda?"

    Rhonda says, "Do I look like I'm from another planet?"

    Riley says, "I dunno. Could you be in disguise? Some kind of shape shifter secret agent?"

    "Only in my dreams."